Durwasa
Durwasa MS Computer Science | Northeastern University | Programming Language | Python | Django | Boston | Bengali |

The Glass Wall

The Glass Wall

A fantastic year comes to an end like many others but I still remember the one year in which an entourage of extraordinary human beings had gathered around me. I just hoped that our story might have a good ending but sometimes wishes don’t come true. Staring at the Glass Wall I see myself standing right there alone and carrying a whole bag of despair and endless remorse but then I had sown the seeds and now I witness the repercussions . But my story was not like this at all. There was a time when I saw her in my reflection. I could see her enchanting beauty refracted quite meticulously by her pair of glasses. I could actually see a lot of affection in those eyes no matter how small my angle of incidence was the image that I received was larger than life. Deep down I never could have calculated that someday my angle would reduce to the critical angle and I would be pushed to eternal blackness. My story started with a plasma wall colloquially known as the “monitor” or “personal computer” when I came to know about this wonderful person. I really don’t know when I came close to her and suddenly some streams of binary bits connected us. Those streams of binary bits started to make sense and I still wonder how simple subtle series of zeros and ones could affect my life. It still does.. At times I just stare at the same plasma wall trying to read from the past conversations. The color of the wall has faded away because there’s no color at all. It doesnt make any sense now to read things that have been my colorful and radiant past. But I read it still some paragraphs I have read it soo many times that I just need no wall to read them. Comes naturally… as always… Beginning of my life I have chased many dreams some did come true but majorly things failed. When dreams fail this glass wall in which I see myself at some point of time it just comes crashing down with the pieces hitting straight to me. Blistering me with the pointed particles leaving me asphyxiated at times. I can feel the warmth of blood oozing out from my body along with the energy. Finally a day when I lost everything I found myself drowning in the ocean of melancholy. I can’t scream I will lose my breathe I can’t make signs as no one can see me and suddenly I found myself in a much more comfortable position.

All bad dreams come to an end and so was mine… I could feel the tender touch of someone right on my forehead and that belief that the world has not ended. Everybody is haunted by their pasts but some have a haunted story as well. Reaching the zenith they see their problems. Laugh at the minuscule size of their problems and tread ahead for something more , each inch fuels them for more kilometers. I came to know about her. Slowly and steadily I could wipe the mist of my glass wall and I saw her right as my reflection. I had found the girl of my lifetime. I was touched by her solicitude. Suddenly love ballads and romantic literature started to make sense.I started to dream again and I got life my life back. I wonder someone placed a talisman right under my pillow because finding such a person was sheer good luck. One day my reflection started to fade away from me. I could see her going I couldn’t do anything. I tried but the cracks had become crevasses. She started to fill the crack but she bled with the sharp cut. I never wanted this to happen to her. I wanted the best for her. I ultimately failed ,the crack is still there; my reflection is now distorted. But I was feeling obliged about the fact that in this life I was loved by her. I left a silent tear and a wishful request. I was sure that its impossible for her and me to converge at some other point of space and time curve this was my last chance. The chill of winter actually froze me and infinitely worse deep inside I went cold. Couple of days later I was back to normal. Hoping things could get better but it did not help. Now after so many years I see her. I had always wished for a healthy prologue and a stronger epilogue. My reflection was back. I scrounged for my glass wall everywhere but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Some pieces I found in my attic the image still being distorted. But now I see the love of my life. Yet again I wished my reflection would identify me , imitate me laterally inverted although but in coherence. A bonding that a man shares with his shadow but a bonding that is colorful at both the ends. Shes happier now …Married, successful having degrees from Ivy leagues and couple of beautiful kids. I wished to rush to the other side of the road and may be talk to her for couple of minutes. I wish to scream and shout and tell her that miss I still love you beyond all measures beyond all realms and still I do. But I didn’t or rather I could not. Not because I was afraid that what society will talk. Because I just wanted to live that dream once she had. Because do something as simple as holding her hand and telling her that I would never let her go.But I still did not or rather I would say I could not because long ago I had left this world…

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